Confession. I am slightly obsessed with superheroes. I mean, I don't have tons of knowledge about comic books or anything...but I still like heroes. I am not absolutely sure when this obsession began, but I can pin it down to two reasons. First, I like that most heroes struggle with the battle of good and evil. They choose good (I mean, they're heroes.) but they often struggle with bad. Second, I think the obsession comes partly from the fact that more times than I care to remember I have wanted or needed a hero.
Ok, so the first reason. I fight to chose good over evil all the time. Not the same way that my beloved heroes have to, but still it's a choice I identify with. The "evil" of my choices often would equate to caving in to darkness. Because my life was dark for so long and I was so sad it seems easy for me to chose that. I could easily lock myself in my house and not come out for days while all the while not interacting at all with the outside world. It would be easy to return to cutting when life gets hard and I want to feel something. It would be easy to chose to give up. But that's not what my heart desires. So I fight. I fight to trust in God. I fight to chose the Light that I know surrounds and embraces me. I fight to chose to acknowledge my past while not letting it overtake me. I embrace who I am now and know that the events of my life have created this version of me.
The second reason might be slightly harder to discuss. I have often in life wanted or needed a hero. There are tons of things I could say here, but I am chosing to skip to the college version of me that needed to be rescued. I can remember sitting on the floor of my closet crying wishing that someone would come and save me. It came to a point where my life was just too overwhelming. My "forever love" had turned out to be not so long term. My grades were sketch at best. My friends mostly thought I was crazy. And Jesus seemed to slip further and further away every single day. Then came the night that changed my life. I don't remember many of the details of this night but have pieced it together from listening to my closest friends recount it. I made some poor choices and ended up in the hospital. I was confused and didn't really know what was goign on besides that tons of nurses and a doctor kept talking really loud and fast and there was constantly someone with their hands on my face. I know now that they were checking on me by making sure my eyes were resonsive and things like that...but at the time I just knew they were touching my face and I didn't want them to be. Enter my real life hero, Daniel. The one person who refused to sit in the waiting room like the hospital staff told him to. He refused to stay outside the door and listen to me scream. He insisted that he be allowed in the room with me. Then he refused to sit in the chair in the corner like they told him to. He refused to watch them struggle to help me when he knew that he could help. Daniel saved my life that day. He told me that he was there and all I needed to worry about was looking straight at him and listening to him tell the life story of Superman. All the horrible things he witnessed in that room while they tried to save my life and he never flinched. The thing that makes Daniel a hero is that even though he did all of this for me he never acknowledged it as being of himself. He even today will tell me about how Jesus saved my life that night.
After that night I began a long journey. One that will not be finished this side of Heaven. I chose to believe Daniel and embrace the only hero who ever gave His life for me. I chose to believe that Daniel was right and that God really did have a plan for my life. I chose to believe that God created me and loved me. That I was a sinner in need of rescuing. That because He loved me so much Jesus died on the cross as payment for my sins. That in order to have a perfect relationship with Him all I had to do was accept his love. WOW. I became best friends with two heroes that night-Jesus and Daniel. And they are still my best friends. In that exact order.
So why still the obsession with superheroes? I like to think that if I needed a hero maybe other people do too. Maybe there are people who are struggling and don't know that (as cheesy and cliche as it sounds) Jesus wants to be their hero. Their best friend. I like to think that one of the reasons my God rescued me is so that I can help others find their way to Him. If you are hurting, or just not sure where to go from where you are...I want to help! I want to be your friend. I want to do life with you. I want to introduce you to my hero. I want you to be a part of the chaos that is life as a Christian. I want you to know that heroes are real and you are not alone. <3