Sunday, January 2, 2011

Whoa, Dang!

THANK YOU so much to all of you who prayed for me and had such supportive comments!  It really helped to calm my nerves!  A LOT!  Thursday, December 30, 2010 is a day that I will remember forever.  I wrote it all down on my computer...even the silly stuff...cause I don't ever want to forget a single detail.  I want to be able to remember that day forever.  In case you are wondering it went WONDERFUL!  For those of you who need more detail let me give you a run down.

Alisa and I got lost.  Yup.  Big surprise there, huh?  :)  So we are sitting at a stop sign in the middle of this MAJOR city and I am freaking out cause we have no idea where to go from there.  I look up and see a gas station.  I tell Alisa that we simply must go there because I need to throw up.  She kind of rolls her eyes and chuckles and I say "No really, I'm gonna throw up we have to go to the gas station."  So she (like the wonderful best friend she is) pulls out across three lanes of traffic and gets us safely to the gas station.  We go in and are waiting outside the restroom and I happen to look up as someone walks around the corner to look at me and it's one of my brothers.  Legit.  Right there in that very gas station.  (We had seen pictures of each other on Facebook so we recognized each other.)  He said my name and my heart leaped into my throat and I hugged him for a long time.  Then I look up and two more brothers and his girlfriend (she is WONDERFUL by the way) are with him.  So I hug all of them.  It.  Was.  The.  Best.  I was so nervous I think all I said was "We came here so I could throw up and then I was gonna call you."  Like they needed that detail.  Ha!  One of them got in with us so he could tell us where to go and in a matter of minutes we were there. 

The next few minutes were kind of a blur.  We get to the house.  They give me a gift.  We go inside.  The last of the older boys (I say it that way because there is a little-little brother who is like I don't know four but I don't think he really knows who I am yet.) is waiting on the porch so I hug him for a long time too.  At this point my heart was literally so happy I could have screamed.  Really.  Then my sisters were there.  And I was so happy to see them and hug them that I probably made that little weird squeaking sound I make when I get really excited.  (Yes...I am trying purposefully really hard not to use their names because I am not sure they want me writing about them for all of you to read yet!!  Ha!)  Then I am being introduced to all kinds of people and then suddenly we are in the room and she is there.  And I do look like her.  And I knew right there in that moment that God created and orchestrated my life perfectly.  I get to have the best of both worlds.  I get to have all kinds of family.  There are lots more details here that I am not really ready to write about.  What it all basically comes down to is that they immediately accepted me into their world.  And Alisa too because she is kind of an extension of me.  All the things I wondered about...well I don't have to wonder anymore.  Did they think I was strange?  Probably.  Did they like me?  I think so...well I hope so.  Did they cry?  I don't know.  I think only my birth mom cried.  Did I cry?  Not until Alisa and I were in the car on the way home.  I don't really remember what else I said in my last post I was wondering about...but I'm not wondering anymore because now I know.

The best part of the whole day was hanging out with my siblings.  I mean, don't get me wrong-the whole day was good.  But that was the best.  Standing on the porch talking to them and watching them interact with each other and their friends.  Standing around the Christmas tree trying to take pictures.  It was wonderful.  I REALLY hope that it was just the first day of lots of days I will get to hang out with them.   Leaving was hard.  I didn't want to say goodbye to them.  But I promised them (and reminded myself) that waiting awhile to see them again does not even compare to waiting 27 years to see them at all. 

Alisa and I got in the car.  And we got lost again.  No lie.  We are not good at city driving.  I mean come on, my town has NO stop lights and like three 4-Way stop signs.  I was not meant to know directions.  Fortunately (thanks to good directions from my oldest brother's girlfriend...she I told you she was GREAT!)we were only lost for a few minutes then we were on our way home.  I was quiet for a long time.  Alisa kept asking me what I was thinking but I had no words.  Then I started to cry.  I cried because I'm happy.  I don't have to feel angry anymore.  I don't have to wonder if I've been forgotten anymore.  I don't have to wonder if they even know about me.  I.  Love.  Them.  I don't feel like I need to explain or justify that to anyone.   After we stopped to have dinner I called my Mama to tell her that we were almost home and that I love her so super much.  She said "I know".  It was so cute and such a classic Mama thing to say. 

Where to go from here?  Try to find a balance of my time.  Trust that it will all work out.  And next on the agenda...hang out with Doug and Dawn!  :)  That is my super happy face in case you were wondering!

Oh...and for those of you who have seen the picture album on facebook and have asked or are wondering...  Ohana means family.  And according to a cheesy movie that I watch because I'm like five years old at heart...Family means NO ONE gets left behind, or forgotten.  No.  One.  Ever.  This is my family.  And they are good.


  1. I love that line from Lilo and Stitch. I am so very happy this worked out so well. I saw the totally look like her. I'm glad you found the missing pieces and have found some peace.

  2. LOVE this, thanks for sharing Tracy. God is good!